Progress

Today I had my first weigh-in since starting to see Brian. I was nervous about it earlier in the week until I noticed that I could *just* get to the next notch on my belt. I have mostly convinced myself that is more important than the number on the scale. But it turns out I needn't have worried, I've lost 3 pounds in as many weeks! I'm rather proud of myself. Especially considering my less than stellar eating habits. He then proceeded to use the evil fat calipers on me to determine how much muscle I gained and fat lost, because that's what should have happened since I started working out. Well, either his first measurements or today's measurements were wrong because the computer said I actually gained fat! Brian was completely flummoxed (I just wanted to use that word). He ensured me that the numbers were somehow wrong and we'd re-take them next week. He then proceeded to torture me for almost an hour. Ugh! At the end he set me up on one of the treadmills that can go really steep, put it at 2.5mph and 13% grade! He then said "Stay here for ten minutes, I'll see you Monday!" and walked off. I plodded along trying not to fall off the back of the treadmill when a guy walked by, smiled and said "Good job today. He [Brian] is a tough one, you did great." I'm pretty sure I turned neon red as I stammered a "thank you." Peggy keeps telling me "thank you" is a complete sentence, which is good 'cause I'm not sure what else one should say in such situations.

The rest of the day passed in the usual manner, laundry, cleaning, errands. I did get *a* computer set up for myself. I haven't decided what to do about my computer situation yet, but in the mean time I've considered the family laptop. I have it set up at my desk with one of my good monitors, keyboard and mouse. It's not mine, and it's not great, but it's better than nothing. My mommy offered to loan me the total amount for the computer I want, or give me a large chunk of it as a gift. Part of me, probably the spoiled part, wants to accept her offer so I can get what I want when I want it. But I don't feel like I really deserve it right now... Maybe if I get my PE I'll feel better about it. Time will tell I guess. I should know Monday, Tuesday at the latest. I hate waiting.

Making Progress

I think Brian the evil Personal Trainer and I are starting to get a feel for each other. We harass each other until  I'm working too hard to talk, then we focus. As soon as I stop calling him names, he only pushes me to maintain instead of trying to force me to push harder. In turn, I honestly go as hard as I can. It works. He also applauds my successes, even if they're less than what he's used to. Today we went outside (after 10 minutes on the treadmill and 15 on the rowing machine) and he had me walk as fast as I could down the street. He said I have an awesome power walk :) Then we went back and did some ab work. After some ridiculous oblique sets and straight up core stuff, he asked if I wanted one more. I said, sure, why not? He replied "you were supposed to say 'fuck no!'" Imagine laying with an exercise ball in the center of your back, body parallel to the floor. Hold a weight over your head in line with your body. Now lift your shoulders off the ball, keeping your arms straight over your head, and say "banana!" That is how my workout ended. No joke. Brian made a comment "If we were drinking there would be some sexual meaning to that." I couldn't agree more.

Today I was back out at the site. I had a meeting with a couple guys to explain my idea for a process improvement to them. They are on the input end of the process. I'm on the output end. Right now, nothing actually gets to me, even though they're inputting everything I could possibly need. I decided to take action. My lead is really happy with me right now. It feels freaking AWESOME! Monday I take my idea to the lead of one of the other facilities. After the holiday I take it to the final facility lead. Hopefully they like the idea too and I can put it in action. I am actually really excited! This is why I became an engineer.

The Passing of a Close Friend

Last night I laid to rest my close friend, computer. My computer has been with me since I moved to Washington. Her death was a long, painfull process, for both of us. It was time to take her off life support, donate her organs, and be done with it. Hopefully soon I will be adopting a new, brighter machine. Good night dear friend, rest well.

New Scenery and Power Outages

Friday was super crazy. I had a dentist appointment at 8, then psychiatrist at 10:30, then hair at 1, then football game at 7. In between I was making sure my man and the little one got to all of their appointments as well as tried to do laundry and clean the house. Everything went well and was on time and everything. My hair came out super duper awesome. Peggy and I go to the same stylist. We're convinced she's a witch. Neither of us like to fuss with our hair much, and we both love "punky" colors. We also hate making decisions. This is where our Hair Witch comes in. We tell her to have fun, and she does. At the end of our appointment we have an awesome 'do that requires little upkeep and looks really good on us. No normal human could accomplish such a feat without magic, hence she's a witch. Anyway, here's my super awesome 'do:

I'm trying to get the bulk of my hair back to my natural color and grow it out. You see, I have ridiculously thick hair. Some of the thickest Hair Witch has seen/felt. It also grows really fast. And it sucks up dye. Before I cut it all off most recently, it was approximately down to my bra strap. It took 17 ounces of dye to color root-to-tip. A normal head of hair that length would require something like 8 ounces. Needless to say it gets very expensive to keep up a non-natural color. So I'm going natural... Well, almost. I figure I can have fun with my bangs and just leave the rest of my hair alone. This will also cause less damage and allow me to grow my hair out faster. Ok, enough about my super awesome hair.

Saturday started with us going to Costco. I went to the optics counter with the little one while my man started our shopping. Without going into gory details we'll just say that my man finished the shopping, checked out, and loaded the car before I was done at the optics counter. That was annoying. After unloading the car, starting another load of laundry and taking care of some other stuff around the house, I took the little one and her friend to Ulta. It's our new favorite beauty store. The dermatologist said that the little one needs to use mineral makeup, that it's the best for your skin. A day after that appointment we got a coupon for 20% your whole purchase at Ulta, and noted that they have Bare Minerals starter kits. It was meant to be! So of course we both had to get starter kits, and a bunch of other things. I spent way too much! 

Saturday evening, around 8:45, somebody rang the doorbell. I told Pepper to sit on her bed (about 10 feet from the front door) and peeked outside. I didn't recognize who it was, but we have a "No Soliciting" sign so I figured it was important. I opened the door and the guy asked if I was the owner of the house. I really don't like when people ask if I'm allowed to make decisions. I had one guy ask "is the man of the house home?" I should have shut the door in his face! Anyway, after assuring him that I own my house, he asked if my neighbors had told me what he's been doing on our street (you know like the alarm companies ask?). I told him no, and pointed to our "No soliciting" sign. He said "oh, but I'm not a solicitor." Then went to point at one of my neighbors and said "we just installed a system for them..." So I asked if it cost money "... well... um... a little bit..." I told him that is indeed soliciting and shut the door in his face! I was so proud of myself! That's the first time I've told a solicitor off! And I was so proud of Pepper, she kept her butt on her bed the WHOLE time the door was open, until I told her OK! Then I told her she was a good girl, but I kind of wished she had mauled the guy for harassing me at almost 9 o'clock in the evening!

Which reminds me of a funny anecdote about somebody trying to sell me something a while back. So this guy rings the doorbell and I open it up. He starts giving me his speech (how do you spell schpeal? shpeel? is that even a word??) about a security system (he's the one who asked if the "man of the house" was home). I tell him "I don't need a security system, I have a vicious attack dog." (totally straight faced). Pepper chose that instant to run out and start licking him. I somehow managed to keep a straight face and said "See? She's vicious!" He had no idea how to respond. It was super funny, except for the part where he wouldn't go away until I made Brady yell at him. I really should have just shut the door in his face too. But anyway, it was freaking HILARIOUS, and still makes me laugh!

Anyway, back to my weekend... 

Sunday morning my man went out fishing with his dad and buddy. I did the grocery shopping then started on his birthday desserts. We had his birthday dinner with the family, home-made fried chicken. Then dessert was (low fat) lemon-lime layer cake with from-scratch berry lavender sorbet. It was da BOMB! Oh, almost forgot to mention, my man's niece helped me decorate the cake. It turned out pretty cute with lemon and lime flavored fondant.

Sunday night, before I went to bed, I got a text from my work's automated notification system. It said that our site had no power and to check the hotline before going to work in the morning. This is not the first time our site has lost power for whatever reason. It happened previously almost three years ago. That time the hotline said site people should stay home, so I did. Around 2pm that afternoon I got an e-mail saying that if I hadn't gone to work at our town office, I had to take PTO for the day or make it up later that week. So this time when I got the same message, I went in to our town office. There was mass confusion, many people didn't show up. My boss being one of them. I had already been planning on working in town today because I am doing a special project for my in-town lead and it's a lot easier to do that when I'm next to him.

I decided to get up at my normal time of 4:30 and use my extra time (from my shorter commute) to take Pepper for a walk before work. She was incredibly happy to see me grab the leash off the hook. We walked briskly for 15 minutes. Pepper was her usual good self, even ignoring some sprinklers starting right next to us. After fielding questions from a lot of people asking what the heck was going on, and playing musical computers 'cause there aren't enough for everybody, I settled down and started work. To use a phrase from one of my college buddies, I went data mining. I ended up staying a bit late so I could get to a good stopping point. I think I did more productive work today than the entire previous three weeks combined. It felt good! I got my data whittled down from almost 400 points to 125 relevant, sort-able ones. Tomorrow I start linking data points to specific calculations. I'm actually kind of excited. I love this kind of stuff. Does that make me weird? Anyway, I think I will be working two days in town and two days at the site each week. Probably Monday and Wednesday in town so I can take Pepper for a walk before work since I have my personal trainer after work those days. Hopefully then I can walk her after work on Tuesday and Thursday and at least one long walk on the weekend. I think this should keep me focused and interested. Boredom is my enemy!

I left work around 5:30, stopped at a friend's house to drop off a check and chat for a bit, and still got home about the same time I would normally leaving at 5. I changed, grabbed a power bar, and headed to the gym. I did a mile on the treadmill before Brian came to start my torture. He turned my legs to jello. Step-ups, squats, step-step-squats, squats with weights, more step-ups, and then my arch nemesis: wall squats. The first "set" I did about 15 seconds before my feet slid out from under me. I managed to finish my 30 seconds (I convinced him that I can't do a minute yet) without stopping again. My second set I did the whole 30 seconds without stopping!!! Even after all the other leg exercises I did already! I was totally stoked. Then he wanted me to do the rowing machine. I suggested the elliptical instead. The rowing machine seems to give me a rather nasty tension headache. I started off by almost breaking his arm with the stupid handle on the elliptical. Then he kicked my butt by making me squat down and pedal really fast without moving my upper body. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to walk tomorrow...

Slight side note: I also got back on the food journal band-wagon. I'm using Fat Secret. It's free and easy. There's an app for my phone that I can just scan the package of whatever I'm eating and add it to my journal. It also has a HUGE database so most stuff is easy to add. My problem comes when I have home-cooked meals. That's where my OCD kicks in and I get frustrated at being unable to find an exact match. Then I give up on the whole journal and go back to my bad eating habits. This time I have enlisted Blonde Friend and Peggy to join me and help keep me on track. Hopefully they can remind me that the journal is a guideline and doesn't need to be perfect. Brian announced that I have my second weigh-in this Friday (he said Monday, but I want to do it in the morning). I think I'll print out my journal and bring it and see what he thinks. Anyway, wish me luck!

The Meaning of Life

This has been a rough week. Sunday night my man overindulged a bit for father's day. Despite assuring me he would go to work Monday, he called in sick. And then my old boss came by and, without warning, blurted out that my coworker had passed away. Mr. UofM was one of my two biggest mentors and a good supervisor. He had been fighting colon cancer for over five years, so we kind of knew it was coming. For the longest time he continued to come to work 40 hours a week while he was getting treatment. He never complained, nor really ever brought it up. A couple years ago he was gone for a while, but he came back and continued working. He had to go on leave again a few months ago. On some level I guess we all knew he wasn't coming back this time, but one can't help but hope. While I am sad that he's gone, I'm glad he's no longer in pain. He was resting peacefully at home, surrounded by his family.

The memorial service for Mr. UofM was yesterday afternoon. It was hard. It was also long, and involved a lot of standing. I was glad I was able to see his sons who are my age and some other work folks I don't see very often. And in related news, Covergirl's new Exacteyelights waterproof mascara is fantastic.

Monday I went home as soon as I could after hearing the news. The rest of the week I've just floated feeling mostly numb with random bursts of tears and almost manic humor. My friends have been invaluable talking to me about random things and sending me funny pictures of cats. Pepper has been sticking to me like glue when I'm home. Letting me cry all over her and compulsively rub her ears. She also doesn't mind being squished in a full-body bear hug. What other dog would be ok with that?!

The saddest part of the funeral, for me, was when I realized how little I really knew Mr. UofM. I knew that he was incredibly smart, he went to UofM for pete's sake! I knew that he was kind, and supportive, cared about his underlings and their careers. He always had time for me whether I had a work question or a life question, or just needed somebody to listen. He was incredibly patient, even when I was being dense. But there was a whole other side to him I knew nothing about. Mr. UofM built wood boats, was the youth group leader at his church for years, and was an utterly devoted husband and father. Hearing the stories of his other friends and family made me wish I had had the time to learn more about him.

Between my old boss retiring and Mr. UofM's passing and all the lay-offs and budget cuts, I've been feeling like I was cut adrift. I haven't been able to focus and I really haven't done much productive for several weeks. I finally got fed up and told my structural lead that I want to move back to his office. I feel like my boss here doesn't really care about me or my career. I also think I have more technical experience than he does. He never offers any help or suggestions and rarely pays me any attention. Maybe I'm too needy, but I feel I need some direction and guidance in order to grow professionally. My lead thought this was a good idea. So, hopefully soon, I will be moving into another office. Whether it is permanent, temporary, or part time is yet to be seen. But I think any option will help. I need a change of scenery to help me refocus and get back on track.

Shock

I just found out that one of my favorite bosses passed away this weekend. We knew it was coming but still... I feel empty and sick. I wish I could go home and hug Pepper.

Father's Day

Sunday started with my man waking me up around 6 am asking if the ice cream was going to be ready. This threw off my whole day making me constantly feel like it was two hours later than it actually was. After I got the ice cream in the freezer, had some coffee, and caught up on my blog posting I started in on the baking.

First I made some lemon blueberry coffee cake to go with the triple chocolate ice cream for Father's Day dessert. Well, actually I cleaned the kitchen first. My future father-in-law was coming over to our house for dinner, so I had to get it presentable. Then I made two loaves of banana bread. Then I made the black current scone mix I picked up a few weeks ago. After baking all that and cleaning up a bit, I took a break and read my book for a while. My man puttered around in the garden and yard.

A while back we had made some pasta dough and put the extra in the freezer. Since the potatoes in the garden weren't ready yet, my man decided to roll out some pasta. He also made some fresh pesto which I turned into a pesto cream sauce. While I was getting ready to cook the pasta, the little one did dishes. My man grilled some fantastic steaks and fire-roasted veggies. I used my new Ikea tray to carry everything out to the patio. We all sat down and enjoyed our first outdoor meal of the season. It was fantastic.

After dinner we enjoyed some cigars and whiskey (amaretto for me) and the good weather. The boys LOVED their father's day dessert, which made me happy. I gave my man a straight-razor shaving kit which he liked a lot. Overall it was quite a pleasant father's day. Except when my future father-in-law asked if I had talked to my dad. I immediately felt like I was going to throw up and barely managed a "no" before my man rescued me with a "she's not a father's girl." It was a strange reaction I wasn't expecting, but oh well.

Catching Up

This is likely to be a rather long and rambling post. I'd suggest you settle in with a nice cup of coffee and a comfy seat. I'm sitting on my rather expensive but fantastically comfortable couch with a mocha I made myself (well the closest I can get without an espresso machine). It is relatively quiet in the living room this morning. The little one had a friend over to spend the night, so we won't see them 'til lunch. My man is in the bedroom watching TV. It's just me, Pepper, and the cat. The only thing that would make this better is if it weren't 80 degrees outside and I could have the windows open.

Thursday started horribly. I woke up when my man's alarm went off at 5:21. I need to leave the house no later than about 5:23 to catch the van. I missed it. I ended up running out the door without any food. I didn't even manage to grab my backpack. I also forgot it was my turn to bring Thursday morning treats. I will never live that down. Now I have to bake like crazy to try to make it up to my coworkers. The rest of Thursday went pretty much along the same lines. I had a  headache. It didn't go away until I left. Luckily for me I left early. The Secretary of Energy was coming for a visit and gave a speech at my work. He made everybody stay over an hour late for it. I decided I wasn't interested in anything he might say, so I left well before he got there. I'm glad I did. My man said it wasn't that great, except for the hour of overtime. Instead of standing around in the June sun, I went and had my industrial bar changed out. Now it's a spiral with pretty sparkly gems on the ends. I also made an appointment to have my hair done and I donated some stuff to Goodwill. I also tried to give a homeless man some food for his dog, but he wouldn't take it. The dog seemed in fairly good health, so I decided not to push. Also the man was really scary. I don't think I'll be doing that again. At least not when I'm alone.

When I pulled in the driveway I saw that the lawn had been mowed. It was immaculate! I was trying to figure out when my man had had time to mow the lawn. Then I walked in the house and the kitchen was absolutely spotless! A huge grin spread across my face. Now I know why my dad always had us clean the house really good when Mom was coming home from a business trip. It is an amazing feeling to come home to a clean house. My man came home almost two hours later than he normally does. But he had some lovely dry-aged steaks from the local butcher. He threw them on the grill and made us steak and eggs. It was delicious. Pepper got the scraps and took care of the dishes. She's quite good at cleaning dishes. Before he started making dinner my man asked if I had mowed the lawn. I was puzzled, no I didn't do it, it was like that when I got home. The kitchen too. I told him I thought he told the little one to do it. He said he hadn't told her anything. Then we got a text from the little one "Please try not to make a mess, I just cleaned up." Oh the irony. A teenager telling her parents not to make a mess because she just cleaned up! I told her we'd try not to.

Friday I woke up late again. I didn't wake up until 7:21 (what is up with 21??) when I had planned on getting up at 7:00. I had to rush to get to the gym for my 8 o'clock appointment with Brian. I did 13 minutes on the treadmill before he took me to one of the back rooms. Ok, that sounds bad. It's a smaller workout room with equipment mainly focused on training athletes. He had me stand in front of a bench and do squats where I just bumped my butt on the bench. Then he had me stand in front of a box that was just over knee height. He told me to put my right foot on the box, then step up on it 10 times before switching legs. I looked at him incredulously. My last summer of College I was in physical therapy for my knees. The gave me the same exercise, but instead of an almost 2 foot tall box, they gave me a one inch tall box. One inch! And I couldn't even do that ten times! Well, that was at the beginning of my therapy. By the end I could do 25 steps on a 10 inch box. I told Brian we'd better start a little shorter. He looked at me, then agreed and allowed me to start on a one foot tall box. I did five steps on each leg on the shorter box. Then I did five on the big box. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Wasn't fun, but wasn't torture either. The rest of my workout was more strength and range of motion training. I only got dizzy enough to have to stop once. And I did wish I had my inhaler by the end, but it wasn't too bad.

After the gym I ran home and hopped in the shower. I was getting out of the shower about the time I was supposed to have Pepper at the groomer. Great. I rushed through getting dressed, loaded Pepper in the car and practically flew down to the groomer. There was a bit of a traffic jam at the front counter, but Pepper was very good. Pepper LOVES Miss R. My sweet girl isn't afraid of going in the car, the groomer, or the vet. I asked Miss R. to cut Pepper's ears really short since we've been swimming in the canal. The longer her ears are, the more likely she'll get an infection. Once Pepper was settled in with Miss R. I rushed to my next appointment at the eye doctor. I got there late too. *sigh* I hate being late! The eye doctor had a cool new toy that takes a picture of the back of your eyeball. That was pretty cool! I have a scar on my retina. Isn't that interesting? The doctor said it was nothing to worry about unless I start seeing flashes of light.

It took a lot longer for the doctor to come see me than it usually does. Perhaps it's because I was late. But I was supposed to meet Peggy at my house at 10:30 because the HVAC guy was coming to put a new damper in for me. At 10:28 I hadn't even seen the doc yet. I texted Peggy the code to the garage and told her I'd be late. About the time I was checking out she said the HVAC guy was there. Great, I was late to another appointment. I rushed home. Peggy and I chatted and watched Cesar while the HVAC guy did his magic. Apparently when they built my house they put a damper in the main duct, but not in the branch that services the master suite. So the air in my bedroom came out like a wind-tunnel and I actually duct-taped the vents shut. The little one's room hardly got any air at all. So very not cool! But the nice gentleman got it all fixed up for the low cost of $230. Totally worth it though. He also suggested I sign up for their regular maintenance plan. I'm very proud of myself for not signing up right away!

At 1:30 we went to pick Pepper up from the groomer. She is SO freaking cute with her ears trimmed short! She looks like a puppy again.

It's kinda hard to get a picture of Pepper. Anyway, Peggy and I took her for a walk along the canal. Well, first we tried to get a picture of the three of us to put on the blog homepage. It is very hard to do a self-portrait of two people and a hyper dog. Here is what we ended up with:

Well, it was fun at least. We're goofy, but it's ok. After giving up on getting a decent picture, we went for a walk. Slathered in sunblock and wearing hats. It was hot, I wanted to stay home. Pepper was very good. On the way out a couple of horses passed us. I told Pepper to sit, and she did. Shortly after we turned around I let Pepper off her leash so she could go for a swim. She splashed right into the canal and swam around for a while. She is so cute!

The odd thing about these walk/swims is that Pepper jumps in the canal of her own volition the first time. She swims for a while, then gets out on the opposite side. She'll walk parallel to us for a while, then we call her back to our side. But, while she wants to come back to us when we call, she has a very hard time going back in the canal! We have to call, cajole, bribe and otherwise beg her to come back for quite some time while she puts a paw in and steps back over and over. It is the strangest thing. We also saw a duck. Pepper has at least three breeds of bird dog in her. She wanted that duck. Pepper also runs incredibly fast. She kept pace with the flying duck until both disappeared around a bend. I need to get a whistle to recall Pepper when she's out of shouting range. We caught up to her a while later, the duck nowhere to be found. 

After we returned to the house I tried to get Pepper in the bathroom to rinse the canal water off. She wanted none of that! I finally ended up having to pick her up and carry her into the bathroom. She looked pathetic! With her big, brown, sad puppy-dog eyes and her scraggly wet fur. I gave her a bath anyway. And a nice big bone. After that Peggy and I flopped on the couch to watch Cesar until our next task of the day. We have undertaken helping Blonde Friend train her four-year-old purebred cocker spaniel, Brutus.

Brutus is a good dog. He is sweet and friendly and energetic. He just isn't trained. He tries to run out the door every time it's opened and takes Blonde Friend for a walk rather than the other way around. I love to mush his cute little face around when I go over to their house. Such a cute thing. Anyway, I bought some fun toys for him to play with and we headed over. Before going for our walk, we took him in the back yard to burn off some energy. He is still very much a puppy, running around the yard chasing toys and bugs, jumping and playing. Very cute to watch.

When it was time to go for our walk, I showed Blonde Friend how to assert her authority and now allow Brutus to go through a door first. It's a small thing, but important, ask Cesar. For the first part of the walk, I had the leash. I showed how if you walk too slow your dog will be all over the place and it isn't a Walk. Once I picked up the pace Brutus fell in quite well. I could hear Peggy explaining what I was doing, but I tuned it out. It was just me and Brutus. Whenever he got side-tracked, I stopped and waited for him to refocus. He learned very quickly that if he didn't stay with me, he didn't get to walk. After a while we passed the leash off to Blonde Friend. She learned just as quickly as Brutus. It was a beautiful thing. Since it was late and everyone was getting hot, it was a fairly short Walk. But a very good one. We left Blonde Friend with some "homework" and promises we'd walk again next week.

After that, my man and I went to the bar, had dinner, and passed out. Well I did talk to the neighbor lady who used to be a dog trainer. She told me where I can find the local Dock Dogs group, the kennel club, and suggested Pepper and I try agility. I've always thought Pepper would be good at agility, but I'm not sure I have enough time. I also don't think I can run fast enough to be her handler. Then I had a brilliant idea: the little one could be her handler! She can run and is much more agile than me, being a gymnast. It would be great exercise for both of them, and I think it would give the little one a big confidence boost. Now to get her into the idea...

Saturday morning was spent running around gathering specialty beer, cigars, steaks, and groceries. I then made custard for some triple-chocolate ice cream for Father's day. I also did some prep for the Miche party Blonde Friend and I were doing that evening. The afternoon passed in a haze of rather domestic happiness. My man made some steak quesadillas for dinner. Then it was off to the party. Got home around 9:30 and went to bed.

This morning my man woke me up asking if the ice cream was going to be ready for this afternoon. I think I told him I was trying to ride horsies. I'm not sure. I dragged myself out of bed and ran the custard through the ice cream maker and got it in the freezer to harden. Made myself some coffee, and here I am. Now it's time to bake. I'm making blueberry-lemon coffee cake to go with the chocolate ice cream for dessert. I'm also making banana bread and black current scones to make up for forgetting the goodies Thursday. Pepper is wandering around, the little one and her friend are still sleeping, and my man is out in the garden messing with sprinklers. I think I shall put on some cartoons and get my bake on.

My Apologies

Apparently my absence of the last day-and-a-half has been missed, and for that I sincerely apologize. Life got slightly busy for a bit there. And my computer is currently on the floor with it's guts all over the bedroom. There is lots to talk about, so as soon as I have enough time to get it all out, I will. Promise! Until then, here is a picture of a cat:

Spirit Shivers

Maybe this will make a bit more sense with some background. My "religion" has taken a strange path. My mother was raised United Methodist, my father is an atheist Jew. I am Pagan. It is not really a religion so much as a spirituality. For sake of categorization, Paganism is a polytheistic "religion." Meaning the belief in many gods. I haven't always considered myself Pagan, although I probably always was I just didn't know it yet. I went to church and Sunday school with my mom, even singing in the youth choir, until I was 12. I had always felt a deep connection with the Earth. And what they taught in Sunday school never really made that much sense to me. So I did a little research and kind of floated for a while. I first touched upon Wicca, but found it was too structured. Over the years I have refined my beliefs and built a system around them that works for me. I feel I am a fairly spiritual person, I like to be in tune to my surroundings. I believe in spirits, past lives, and fairies. That being said, now to the point of my original topic.

This year there have been a lot of lay-offs at work. We are split into two groups: craft, and non manuals. A few months ago about 60 craft personnel were laid off. I knew it was happening but I didn't really think much of it. Until I was leaving for the day. My friend and I walked towards the gate to the parking lot. As we rounded a corner we both stopped dead in our tracks and grabbed each other's arm. In front of us was a large bin full of hard hats. I felt as though a shadow had passed over my spirit and it shivered. Maybe like walking past a grave yard. Obviously the previous owners of these hard hats were not dead, just unemployed. It was a very disconcerting feeling. A while later another round of lay-offs came and the same thing happened although this time it was two large bins. Once I got my bearings, I felt very sad. Like something dear to me had died. Maybe my spirit felt it was the beginning of the end.

A few weeks ago, when I got to work and pulled into the parking lot, something similar happened. This time last year, if you were a few minutes late, you'd be hard pressed to find space in any of the three parking lots. That morning, almost half of one parking lot was taken up by three cranes. They had been parked and situated such that it was evident they were not going to be used for a long while. Cranes are expensive. Even if the company owns them, they cost money every day even if they are not used. Now there are four Link-Belt cranes, three boom-lifts, two scissor lifts, and a Demag lined up neatly in the parking lot. My spirit shivers every time we drive past them.

Meh

Today's workout was... uninspired. I feel decidedly *meh* about it. The only upside is that Brian is so goofy I can't help but laugh at him. He just can't get over my many... quirks or whatever you want to call them. We went outside and used dumbbells this evening. I'm just lucky it was so late 'cause I can burn in 5 minutes here. And then he had my *try* to do push-ups... In the grass. I'm allergic to grass. He asked if I was, jokingly. I'm itchy now. And feeling very pathetic after my inability to do 20 "girly" push-ups with an incline to help no less. Time for a shower and probably a muscle relaxer. Maybe then I won't have a headache when I wake up.

Moods

I am in one of those moods where EVERYTHING irritates the crap out of me. I've had a wicked tension headache on and off for a couple weeks. This morning it was on. And my hair wasn't behaving. And my hair taming tools were making my head hurt worse. I spent the rest of the day getting weird looks. Work is seriously sucking. And the little one is out of school and has a friend spending the night. No matter that I still have to get up at 4:30 tomorrow morning. They are watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Garbage. It makes  me angry within 2 minutes even when I start in a good mood. Right now I am... about to explode. Therefore I am hiding in my room until it is time to go to the gym.

I used to tell people I felt so blessed. I had a job using my degree, that I actually enjoyed doing and I got paid well to do it. I took pride in doing my job and doing it well. I felt an immense sense of satisfaction when I completed a project. I believe, and my annual reviews seem to agree, that I am a good, if young, engineer. I do not love my job any more. I realized today that I think I actually hate it. Due to circumstances beyond my control or understanding, more and more red tape has been criss-crossed between me and actual engineering work.

I have very little tolerance for stupidity, it is a family trait. I get in trouble for it on occasion. On this occasion the stupidity is not a single person, but a new set of forms to be filled out and hoops to be jumped through. I do not see the point in these things. I only see that I have not done any actual engineering in almost three weeks. This makes me very unhappy. As there is no end in sight to this political bullshit, I have come to the conclusion that I have to leave. I hope to find a way to leave before my spirit is crushed completely. I think my spirit is part of what makes me a good engineer. I don't care about politics or bureaucratic bullshit, I care about making a good, efficient, sound design. I fear that if I stay here much longer my spirit will be strangled to death and I will become nothing more than another, average, head-bobbing worker bee. I fear that more than I fear death.

If I'm lucky Brian will tire me out enough to come home and pass out. Or I might take somebody's head off. Luckily for him, my man has an uncanny ability to know when to stay out of my way.

Who Would Have Thunk??

I have made jewelry for as long as I can remember. Some macrame, mostly beads. I've even dabbled in wire work. I've always only done it for me. Usually to pass the time. Occasionally to wear to an event. One day Peggy saw one I did for my company's Christmas party a few years back. I had, on a whim, bought a gorgeous cornflower blue ball gown. Then realized I had no jewelry to wear with it. So I took the matching wrap to the bead store and bought coordinating Swarovski crystals, pearls, and silver focal pieces. I created a three-tiered, glittery, sparkly, gorgeous necklace (I will post a picture as soon as my computer is back up and running). I wore it to the party, then put it in my jewelry case never to be worn again. Until Peggy saw it. She did our trademark "Ooh! Shiny!" She then proceeded to convince me that I HAD to bring it to work and show the girls. She thought they'd love it so much they'd want to pay me to make them their own. I laughed it off, but brought it to work anyway to humor her.

The girls went ga-ga over it. I was pretty tickled. It had never occurred to me that somebody else would like my silly little beaded creations. One girl asked if she could have it. Mostly joking I said I was taking commissions. Another girl asked "could you make one in purple?" I thought she was asking rhetorically. I said it'd be cost of materials plus $10. That the blue one had cost $50 or so for materials and had taken me two or three hours. So a total of about $70. She said "I'll take it!" I was flabbergasted. Peggy looked smug.

The next day at lunch, I pulled up my favorite jewelry supply website and had her pick out beads. We were drooling like kids in a candy store! I still felt like it was a dream or something. It still felt so unreal that somebody would want something *I* made. Fast forward a couple weeks and a couple more bead orders later (I made a slight misjudgment in bead size the first time). Yesterday I gave her the completed piece, including matching earrings as a gift for being my first "customer." She *squeed* and wore it all day along with a HUGE grin. It made me SO happy! It even went with her outfit, even though she had no idea she would get it that day. All the other girls were jealous. Sorry for the bad picture, but you get the idea.

Today she gave me a check. I just got paid for a piece of jewelry I made in my spare time! Can you believe it?! In the mean time, since Peggy convinced me I could sell my jewelry, we discussed me opening an Etsy store. And Peggy's husband offered me space in the spare room of his office. He's going to let me pay him in cookies! With the money from my first commission I'll be able to get supplies to make some stock and open my store. I am SO excited. And nervous. What if nobody else wants anything? Does it matter? I mean I like actually making the jewelry even though I rarely wear what I make. If somebody pays me for it, that's just a bonus. And it means more time hanging out with Peggy and drooling over sparkly things :) I think I'm going to need little joys and distractions like this to get through the next [period of time] at work...

I'm Done

I am done with this project. Tomorrow I am going to apply to every position I remotely qualify for in my company. At this point I don't care where I go as long as it's away from here. If I could take pink slips from people who received them unjustly and send myself off somewhere instead, I would. I'm tired of waiting every day to hear which of my friends and coworkers have lost their job. I'm tired of more and more red tape being added to my job tasks. I'm done. Moral is in the shitter. Everybody is miserable. Nobody thinks this project will ever be completed. I think it's too much to ask for us to work in this kind of environment. I can already feel it eating away at my soul. I'm done and I need to get out!

Workout Induced Musings

Things I thought about, realized, noticed, or otherwise passed through my brain while at the gym this evening:
- being angry/irritated must use the same energy pool as exercising 'cause I can't do both at the same time
- if I had to pick a single word to describe my personal trainer's intellect, it would be blond (despite him being as far from blond as physically possible)
- despite not having been on a bike in over 10 years, it is still very hard to go against my cycling training and put the pedal closer to my heel
- it seems that rowing machine = tension headache for three days, I hope this is just 'cause I'm starting out and not used to using my shoulders like that
- I need to clean my bathroom
- shorts are not an acceptable item of clothing for me to work out in, no matter how hot it is (incidentally, does anybody know where to get funky colored yoga pants??)
- I need to sew a chap-stick pocket somewhere on all of my workout clothes, chapped lips are very irritating especially when one is breathing hard
- I should put extra deodorant on before going to the gym
- it seems I really do have a slight hitch in my left hip, I think when I'm walking my knee compensates which would explain that knee/foot hurting the worst, but when the knee cannot compensate, the movement of that hip is noticeably... crooked
- I miss the USS Neversail... and my Grandpa

Today at work I walked close to a mile, in steel toed boots no less. Then this evening I did 10 minutes on the treadmill, 15 on the stationary bike, and 10 on the rowing machine. Then Brian the evil personal trainer tormented me with squats, leg curls, and various forms of the "bridge" with a stability ball. I am now showered, hair wrapped up in a sexy towel, and ready to pass out 5 minutes after I hit "publish" on this post. Good night world.

Rainy Days and Mondays

While I didn't get everything done this weekend that I wanted to, I was still fairly productive. I got the den mostly organized and clean. The little one's room is done and gorgeous. And the living room is clean. I can poke at more stuff during the week. Although I found out we'll be doing Father's Day here, so I have to clean the "public" rooms by Saturday for sure.

This morning started with a headache, never a good sign. I was almost late to the van, but caught it so that's all good. I then had to go to training at 7am. On a Monday. Ugh. It was on something stupid. Because somebody, a while ago, did something stupid. So we all suffer. Then I walked almost a mile taking a picture around to people to sign for my old boss's retirement. It was bittersweet. Got to see friends who were moved far away from me, but had to talk about my mentor leaving.

Getting back to my desk I settled into my current status quo: uncertainty. I have a large complicated project to work on, but it's hard to focus on it when I don't know where I'll be next week. Several of my good friends have gotten pink slips. All of them have worked here longer than me, and can afford it less. I plodded through the day.

When we exited the building it hit me. The Heat. With a capital H. I am from Michigan. The high temp is usually 80. And it's humid. Here, last summer was the first time in recorded history (since 1945) that it did NOT hit triple digits. It is not unusual for it to be 100+ for a couple weeks. People keep saying "but it's DRY heat!" Well so is an oven, it's still bloody hot! Think of me like a fish, I need a certain amount of water in the air to breathe properly. Today my car told me it was 85. I felt sick. My skin hurts as soon as I go out in such dry heat. I want nothing more than to take a cool shower, or find some large body of water to soak in. Until today I've been blessed with unseasonably cool temperatures lately. But that is apparently at an end. I must ask my man about fixing the AC in my car. I never needed it in Michigan, so I did not realize it was broken. *sigh*

As I write this, Pepper has her chin resting on the laptop, looking at me with those big brown eyes of her. She says, Mommy, please give me love! But it is so hot! Ugh. And shortly I will be off to "real" workout #2 with Brian the personal trainer. I hope I don't die of heat stroke before then. And then I need to start working on a plan to exercise my poor pup without baking myself in this lovely *dripping with sarcasm* "dry heat."

Pepper is Strange

I rescued Pepper when she was about a year old (although sometimes I'm pretty sure she's the one doing the rescuing). I don't know what her previous owners did to her other than leave her in the TRAC parking lot, wandering around filthy, without a collar, and almost 20 pounds under weight. She obviously had training though, abuse too. She already knew sit and down and was house trained. But she also has some very strange quirks. Did she have them before she was abused and abandoned? Or are her quirks why her previous owners ditched her?

Pepper eats everything. Well, almost. But she does eat a whole lot more things that I've never heard of other dogs eating. She eats lettuce, onions, jalapenos, apples, bread, cat food. She knows how to eat chicken bones without hurting herself. She doesn't like lemons/limes, nor does she like some of the spicier Asian dishes. But she does like Pam. As in the cooking spray. She goes bonkers for it. Whenever I reach for the can, she comes running. It's my new parlor trick. I can spray it on her nose or paw and she's a happy girl for 10 minutes. She knows the sound of it too, and comes running when I use compressed air. She even lets me spray air in her face for quite a while before she realizes it doesn't taste like anything. It's hilarious.

My poor pup also has some not-so-funny quirks. She's terrified of the fly swatter, as in cowers behind me and whimpers until it's out of sight. She  does the same thing around snowmen. Pepper is also afraid of knives being sharpened, the coffee pot grinding beans, the chime on the washing machine, and any flashes of light (e.g. sparkly jewelry, flashlights, sun reflecting off windows). When she's agitated she licks the walls. So much so I can see brown areas. She's even licked the lacquer off one of the cabinets. *sigh* my poor, sweet puppy, I love her so.

Appointments and Cleaning

The rest of the day after the career fair passed in a blur. Took the little one to the dermatologist. She got a chemical peel, and I didn't have to pay for it! Then ran to my doctor to sit for 45 minutes just to get a referral to a new podiatrist for a second opinion on my foot. Came home and started cleaning. Helped the little one finish her room and hung all her decorations. She headed over to Grandma's house and my man was fishing, so I started cleaning. Well I started beading and dropped beads all over so I decided I might as well clean the living room while I'm moving furniture to find my beads. So now the little one's bedroom and bathroom are clean, and the living room. Tomorrow all I have to do is finish the laundry, and clean my bedroom, bathroom, the kitchen, and the garage. Oh and the den. Shouldn't be too hard!

In Pepper news she did something I've never seen her do before. The little one asked me to bring something over to her at Grandma's, so I figured I'd take Pepper with me and go get some dinner while I was out. Pepper LOVES going for car rides. Got to Grandma's and let Pepper go inside with me to say hi to her cousin Molly. Then we headed back out to the car and she ran around a bit 'til I called her to come get in the car. First she went to one aunt's car, then the other's, before finally finding mine... And then tried to jump through the open window! WTF? She got her front paws in and almost got her back leg in before slipping and running all her claws down my door. *sigh* I have no idea why she did that. She's always waited for me to open the door for her. Tomorrow I think I'll take her to the dog park if I get my cleaning done in time. If not, we'll go for a walk/swim along the canal.

Friday Morning

This morning started like any other Friday with laundry. The shirt I wanted to wear to the career fair was dirty, so it went in first. Then I was off to the gym for my first "real" workout with the personal trainer. For my cardio/warm up he had me try the rowing machine. I don't know why I hadn't thought of that before because you can push off with your heels and reduce the pressure on the front of your foot. He pushed me pretty hard, but I did it, a whole 16 minutes! Then we did leg presses, not much weight, just focusing on technique. The leg lifts and leg curls and some core work. An hour flew by before I noticed it and boy was I sweaty!

Then it was home for a shower, makeup, hair done, and dressed up. Printed a few copies of my resume and headed out. I pumped myself up by rocking out with the windows down and the radio cranked. Got to the office and found the right room. Man it was packed! And hot and stuffy. Great. I got in line for the first division and found some friends to chat with while I waited. The first two divisions I was interested in didn't help much because they didn't have representatives. So they were just people from my project pointing people to the proper section of the recruiting website. The third division had a rep and she seemed interested. But they're trying to place people who got laid off before folks that still have a job. I can't argue with that.

Now off to the doctor, more later!

Thank Goodness That's Over!

I have had to deal with more bullshit in the last two days than in the entire previous four plus years at work. Since the news that our budget was slashed, things at work have been getting more and more political. I'm an engineer. All I want to do is engineer things. My goal is to make whatever I design safe, and to meet the design requirements. I do not like kissing ass, and I do not like people telling me I have to do *this* to make *them* happy.

The frustrating thing about where I work is, you kind of have to work there to understand anything I say about it... I once again had to go outside for a while this afternoon to curse loudly to the wind. I was incredibly unproductive. We found out that *somebody* added another step to our stupid tasks. It's an utterly ridiculous added step. Nobody knows how or when or why it was added, but there it is. Something that used to take maybe a couple hours and just three people, all of whom are in the same room as me, will now take WEEKS and people 20 miles away. I'm so tired of politics getting in the way of my job!

In the middle of all this political crap, I had a rather lovely anxiety attack about what to wear tomorrow. Tomorrow my company is putting on a "career fair" to give us in risk of being laid off the chance to see where there are positions on other projects in the company. It's a day off, but is it kind of like an interview? I'm looking for construction "camp" jobs, where the workers live on site in trailers or dorms. So do I dress the part? Or should I dress up nicely? Everybody suggested business casual, but they all had different definitions of what that is. I have lots of casual/work clothes, jeans and t-shirts and whatnot that I wear to work and around the house. And then I have sexy/dressy date night clothes. I don't really have much in between. Finally I just threw up my hands and decided on a mix: jeans and a nice shirt and cute cowboyish boots.

The whole day conspired to put me in an incredibly agitated state by the time I was heading home. Oh, the icing on the cake came in the form of an e-mail late in the day. Secretary of Energy, Dr. Steven Chu, is coming for a visit to our site next week. He is such an important person that he cannot be bothered by our work schedule and is showing up shortly before we're supposed to leave. So what do they do for our grossly underfunded project?? They tell us that we are "expected" to attend this presentation after work hours, and we will be compensated with an hour of time-and-a-half overtime pay! Because what we all want to do is stay an extra hour on the last day of the week to listen to some big-wig talk at us! How many jobs could they save instead of paying the rest of us overtime to listen to some stupid speech?? Luckily I asked my HR rep about it and was informed that we don't actually HAVE to stay. Several people on my van are not eligible for overtime pay, so we are leaving at our normally scheduled quitting time. I'm relieved.

Anyway, I headed home in a funk. I had told my man I wanted to sit on the patio and smoke and get trashed with him. Earlier I mentioned taking a bath. On the way home I got a text asking if I wanted dinner before or after my bath. Hmmm I didn't know we had dinner plans. I noticed a small smile creeping across my face. When I walked into the house I was greeted by delicious smells and sizzling veggies. Mmm quinoa and stir-fry with shrimp and fresh herbs from the garden. Fabulous! I felt my bad mood and stress lifting. After dinner we headed out to the patio. There was a perfectly timed break in the rain. We sat in our comfy chairs, on our gorgeous patio, looking out across the Columbia River Valley and the immense, black storm clouds rolling in. I had a lovely mix of vodka, Malibu, and orange juice and a cute little peach cigar. My sweet had his beer and a Swisher Sweet cigar. Pepper hung out with us, exploring the hill and trying to sneak over to the compost heap. It was relaxing. The view from my patio is quite stunning.

Our naughty cigars done, I headed in to start my bath. I had bubble bath from Ulta, and bath salts and sugar scrub, mango mandarin. I soaked, scrubbed, shaved and drank the day away. By the end of my bath I was soothed and relaxed. Now here I sit, cuddled in bed watching Through The Wormhole with Morgan Freedman. He has a fantastic voice. First thing tomorrow is my first actual workout with Brian. Then the career fair. Then running around to all sorts of appointments. Saturday is cleaning day. Hopefully by Monday I'll have myself back in order. And maybe I'll have a light at the end of the WTP tunnel...

Pepper is not a morning person

Since I didn't get around to brushing Pepper last night, I took care of her this morning. She isn't much of a morning person. She's excited for breakfast, but then flops on the floor while I pack lunch. After I leave she goes back to bed. But not before watching me leave out the front window. It's so cute when she's sleepy. I love my sweet girl.

Hump Day Madness

Today was... special

Despite telling myself 15 times to set the coffee pot last night, I did not. I thus had to launch myself out of bed this morning and stumble around in the dark kitchen to set the stupid thing up. My coworkers do not like it when I come to work without coffee. It was refreshingly clear and brisk when I got outside though, so that was nice. Then I remembered that I had let my training lapse. First time for everything I guess. Spent the first part of my morning learning about asbestos and hearing loss... again... for the fifth time. *sigh*

By lunch I was feeling decidedly blah. Realized that I hadn't had ANY water yet, oops. Had my favorite (store bought) soup, Tuscan Tomato Basil Bisque from Safeway. Brady bought it for me last week when I was sick. It's my favorite comfort food when paired with a grilled cheese sammich! Went and talked to Peggy, that always cheers me up. She has a goofy picture of Pepper on her desktop. It makes me giggle every time I see it.

After lunch things went decidedly down hill.

How can I explain this? A certain person told my boss's boss's boss's boss that my group is purposely sitting on tasks that Construction needs. And essentially insinuated that we were, single handedly, holding up the entire project. So the big boss told my boss that we had to drop everything and get our "backlog" of these tasks done ASAP. My boss said "Yes sir! Right away sir!"

You might say "What's wrong with that?" Well, my boss knew full well that it was total and utter BULLSHIT. Most of this kind of task that my group actually has are for facilities that are currently on hold. As in there is no construction being done to be held up. And we really only had a handful of them total, none of them as old as the certain person said. The actual large backlog of very old, and critical path impacting, tasks belong to another group entirely. But did my boss try to explain this? No! He completely sold us out, knowing full well we've been doing the best we can to prioritize and support what little construction is left.

Now to give you a little additional back story. Several months ago the budget for my project, which is government funded, was slashed. By a couple hundred million dollars... for this year. Next year it's even worse. So there have been cut backs and lay-offs. The guy who was my boss at the beginning of the year was incredibly smart and experienced. And he ALWAYS stood up for his people. He was a great mentor and he fought long and hard to do what he felt was right. What did the Powers That Be do to reward his 35 years of hard work? They shoved him in a dark corner and gave his position to someone who has less experience in the department than I do. This new guy, as far as I can tell, does JACK SHIT. He also doesn't give a shit about any of us apparently. I used to go to my old boss every week or two and give him a quick update on my tasks. He listened intently, asked questions, and generally was interested and wanted to know if he could help, and if I could take on more tasks. Generally stuff that I thought a supervisor was supposed to do for the young folks under him. This new guy, he hardly bothers to look away from his computer when I go to talk to him and the most response I get out of him is "Ok." How is this supposed to help me grow??

Anyway, in the few months that the new guy has been my boss, I've been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I figured that hey, he had some big shoes to fill. The PTB put him in a tough position. So I was going to reserve judgement. I have made that judgment. He isn't worth the space he takes up. My group is in a rather unique position. I call us the bastard step-child of Engineering and Construction. We are a very convenient scapegoat because neither group really claims us. We need a strong supervisor willing to go to bat for us. Not some dip shit unwilling to refute bald-faced lies.

*deep breath* I had to go outside for a while and scream obscenities. Then I went and did a handful of the tasks, despite knowing nobody needed them for years, if that soon. When 5 o'clock rolled around, I was SO ready to go.

When I got home my awesome fiance was mowing our lawn and making it look gorgeous. And Pepper, the good girl that she is, was laying *just* inside the line that defines the boundary between "outside" and "inside." It's hard to keep a bad mood when you're greeted by her adorable smiling face. I had to print a picture for my old boss's retirement gift, and I was kind of nervous about my meeting with the personal trainer, so I didn't take the pup for a walk. I had some toast with peanut butter and made a glass of Rehydrate to take to the gym.

Once at the gym I hopped on a treadmill and set it to a steady pace to warm up like Brian asked me to. Well, I didn't so much "hop" as clamber awkwardly. My stupid phone decided it didn't feel like looking at the internet, so I fiddled with the huge touch screen monstrosity on the front of the treadmill. You can plug your iPod into it, it has TV, who knows how many preset programs, and you can even plug a USB drive into it and save your workout data! So of course I set the TV to Cartoon Network and the speed to ~3mph and I walked. And walked. And walked. Did I mention I'm habitually early for appointments?

After nearly 20 minutes on the treadmill Brian came and got me, exactly on time. Go me. He took me over to one of the offices in the quite wing of the gym. He then took all sorts of fun measurements. I don't know if you've ever had someone use a fat caliper on you, but it's not that fun. He kept saying "oh that's a good chunk of fat there." I wonder if he realized how bad that sounded... Then it was time for the results. My body fat percentage is 35.2% That's 71.7 pounds of fat on my 203 pound body. Gross! What he said next really surprised me though. He said my ideal weight is 175! Wow, that almost seems attainable! Things were looking up. Next he took physical measurements. Interestingly enough my left bicep, forearm, thigh, and calf are all 1/2" larger than my right. How the hell does that work?? *shrug* Brian was quite startled when I told him I was right-handed. He said he hadn't seen measurements that far off in a long time. Go me?

Then he had me do push ups. As many as I could. Ugh. I lost count, but it was probably like 10... From my knees, i.e. "girly push ups." *sigh* Next he said to do a wall squat. As I assumed the position, he said to hold it for a minute. A minute! He obviously doesn't realize how much strain a wall squat puts on damaged knees when you're carrying 30 extra pounds of fat! I didn't last long. He had me try two more times to total a minute. I told him I hated him. While he wrote stuff down, I had a lovely dizzy spell. I decided to spend some time on the floor. He wasn't sure what to do with that. So he told me "Since you're already on the floor, let's do the plank." I have no idea how long I held it. He didn't comment. Lastly we did some sitting rows. 12 with 45 pounds, then 15 with 50 pounds. I did ok. Brian asked if I hated him. I told him I was reserving judgement. He sent me home with the promise of a "real" workout Friday morning at 8am. Great.

Came home and forced myself to choke down a meal replacement shake. My tummy was none too happy about the dizzy spell. But I know I have to eat *something* before bed. Well, tomorrow is Thursday. I can survive one more day at work. And I'll treat myself to a nice long walk with the pup. Friday is going to be bonkers. Saturday I'm cleaning the house East to West! (left to right? I don't have a top or bottom in my house...) I'm quite surprised at how much I'm liking doing this blog. I'm already looking forward to my post at the end of each day. It feels good to get everything out. Even if nobody else reads it. Well I'm going to brush my teeth and crash. G'night world.

[insert witty title here]

Where to start? This morning I managed to get ready for work in time to snuggle with the Pup. So that was a good start. The morning at work was blah. Headed into town early for an all hands meeting. Got a huge plaque thingy for a certification that doesn't mean anything. But, the in town meeting meant that I got home almost a full hour early!

I took Pepper for a short walk around the neighborhood. It was cool and windy, but no rain. Today I mostly just observed her. We were walking briskly so she didn't wander or weave around me. She mostly kept her head up and eyes forward (Cesar says this is the position for Walks). She doesn't tug on the leash much, but we need to work on her heel position. She's too far forward of me. I don't know who said it (probably Cesar) but "heel is not a leash length, it is a position." This is not something I can fix by shortening the leash. Time for research!

I also noticed that when we went off the paved road Pepper tugged a bit more than when we were on paved ground. She also dropped her nose a bit and strayed farther from my side. Pretty obvious why, now to figure out how to fix it. Another odd thing: she won't step on manhole covers. I wonder if she knows what it feels like and doesn't like it, or if she isn't sure of it and therefore avoids it. I haven't decided if this is a "problem" or not yet...

Now for my first experience with the personal trainer. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't a 6'-4" tall black guy! Which seems silly in retrospect. I asked for somebody who has experience dealing with injuries. This guy is their resident sports trainer, so he knows how to work with all sorts of injuries and limitations. I think he'll be good for me. I don't know if I like him though. How do I explain this without sounding like a whiny bitch?

He asked what I'm doing for exercise right now. I said "Nothing." That didn't seem to compute with him. So he asked how often I exercise. Again, I told him that I'm not currently exercising. I haven't been to the gym in two months. Since my foot started acting up again. I haven't been working out regularly since before my surgery. Finally I told him that I had been trying all the classes they offer. But then my foot started hurting and I got discouraged and gave up.

After detailing my various... maladies, I think I managed to impress upon him the pitiful state my body is in. He then proceeded to almost scold me for not coming to see him first. He told me I probably did more harm than good trying to work out and do classes on my own. How could I explain to this totally ripped dude, who probably never had an ounce of fat on his body in his life, why exactly it was hard for me to ask for help?

I have what can probably be described as a birth defect. My hip sockets were not formed when I was born. The doctors made a brace for me to keep my legs together until they formed in my still-soft infant bones. It took me a lot longer to learn how to walk than most kids. Even longer to run. We thought that was the end of it. But as I have grown and gotten older, and heavier, I have been having more and more issues with my legs crop up. Now can I say for sure they're all because of my hips? No. But it makes the most sense.

My hip aches when the weather turns. I blew my knee out when I was 12, and several times since. And now I have nerve damage (Morton's Neuroma) and bunions in both feet. I have never been very athletic except for cycling. Recently I learned that it is most likely the cause of my current worst problem, the neuromas.
In college I swam. Here there isn't a pool close enough to me for it to not take way longer than I have patience for to go for a swim. I've been told by physical therapists that running isn't a good idea for me. Beyond that I've always kind of done my own thing and tried to listen to my body.

People tend to freak out when I have to explain why I limp when a storm front comes in. Many people have told me "You're too young to ache like that!" or they try to do stuff for me so I don't have to walk myself. I HATE that! This is why I didn't want to ask for help exercising. I don't want pity, I don't want to be treated like a fragile child.

Anyway, done with my rant. So, without telling him all that, we finally got down to what matters: I have some special needs/restrictions and I'm looking to him to help me get going on a workout program I can actually maintain. I assume it will hurt less, and be better for me in the long run. Although I'm worried that my visible (to me) progress will be much slower. I need to focus my short term goals on smaller things. I can't get in the mind set that I'm gonna start shedding pounds and inches after my first workout. If I can make it through the first month, it'll be that much easier.

Tomorrow I have another date with Brian (my personal trainer). He will apparently measure every bit of me and how all my bits function. Sounds like fun, don't it? Friday morning he'll have my first workout ready. Then I head to the Career Fair. I don't know if I hope to get an offer, or not. It's hard not knowing if my job is safe. Do I try to get out while I maybe have a choice where I end up? Or do I try to stick it out and hope they let me stay 'til I'm ready to leave?

Ok, enough of the existential crisis. I have three appointments a week with Brian for the next four weeks. I can stick it out at least that long! I wonder if I'll end up loving him or hating him... Tomorrow I think I will do training. Because that's always fun. Oh and I need to find somewhere to put this huge plaque... Well I'd better go set the coffee pot if I'm going to have a chance to stay awake through HGET!

Oops

I just realized that the URL could be read as "Pepper and Mean Peggy Too" since it doesn't have capitalization or punctuation... Would that be a Freudian Slip?

A Walk in the Rain

Today I decided to take Pepper for a walk when I got home from work. It was while on this walk that I came up with the idea for this blog. Well, as previously stated, I stole the idea from Chris. But I decided to try it for myself while walking in the rain with my best friend.

Rain is very rare where I currently live. I live in Southeast Washington state. It is a desert. It rains in Seattle, not here. We have 300 days of sun a year. I grew up in Michigan where it rains significantly more. Pepper doesn't care what the weather is, she loves to walk. So I put my rain coat on, grabbed a poop bag and some treats, put Pepper's leash on, and off we went.

I love the location of my house. If you look out my back windows, it looks like I live in the country, but I am 5 minutes from Wal-Mart. If I walk out my front door I have a quiet neighborhood with wide streets and paved sidewalks. If I go out the back door there is an irrigation canal with a trail next to it, ranches, and horse paddocks. I went out the back door today.

Pepper and I saw: a young cow galomping around it's field, several wet horses and a mule, two duck families, a guy grilling dinner, a lady carrying a baby, and three barking dogs. Pepper ignored everything except the ducks. She is a bird dog you see, she's bred to find them, flush them out, and go after them. She was very good though, I told her "no" and after a slight tug on the leash she went back to her walk. I gave her treats.

When we got home (I don't know how far we went or how long we were out) Pepper sat while I took my coat off and got out a towel. I rubbed her down because it is rather chilly today and I don't like wet dog smell. I then gave her a good brushing (after getting dry clothes for myself, incidentally I learned that my rain coat is not actually water proof). I then trimmed her ears because they keep getting in her food, and picking up prickers from the path. She looks goofy, but the groomer can fix it later.

While getting dry clothes I found that the cat had peed on the bed. See, we're trying to toilet train her. It was going well. Until about two weeks ago. Now I must wash the brand  new, AWESOME, blanket that I just put on the bed yesterday. Also my fancy $100 pillow :( I kind of wanted to sulk the rest of the evening, but Pepper deserved some loving. Somewhere during Pepper's loving, my pout went away. See how good a therapy dog she'd be?! She's also totally OK with big bear hugs, sobbing in her fur, and sharing her bed. A natural I tell you!

Tomorrow I think we will go for a short walk, maybe just around the neighborhood. I have an appointment with the personal trainer at 7pm! Well, I guess I'd better get to bed if I'm going to stay awake for the trainer tomorrow.

A Beginning

This blog is inspired by my friend Chris and her blog 100 Walks to a Dog. I'm hoping she won't mind that I'm totally stealing her idea and running with it. I also hope this blog helps keep me honest and gives me a reason to keep going, if only because I'm stubborn and refuse to let somebody else see me quit. 


I have many goals. Some of them are even realistic. The two I've decided to focus on this summer are: creating a happy/healthy body, and training Pepper to be a therapy dog. Maybe I should back up a bit.

From the beginning: My name is Kaylyn. I am almost 27 years old, and have been working as a civil engineer for almost 5 years. I don't write, actually I hate writing, but here I am starting a blog. Also, I have moderate to severe ADHD. I'm not using this as an excuse, merely an explanation as to my lack of writing skill. Anyway, back to my little bio: Three days after I graduated college I moved across the country to start my career 2,000 miles from my friends and family. I knew nobody within 1,000 miles of my new home. Therefore I got a dog. Pepper is, as far as we can tell, an English Setter x Brittany Spaniel x German Short-hair. In short: a mutt. A sweet, beautiful, happy, energetic, crazy mutt. She is also my baby girl. 

To make a long story short, five years later, after flunking out of puppy class twice and almost giving up, I have a very well behaved 55 pound puppy. She generally listens, walks well on a leash, and greets "new friends" (aka strangers) with kisses and requests for belly rubs. Pepper LOVES children and will lick them to death if given the chance. Nobody can meet her and not walk away with a smile. The only trouble is her energy level. She's exhausting to watch, and I cannot run or anything to give her the exercise she needs. She needs a job. 


Now, back to my goals. Like I said, I can't run. Doctor's orders (no joke!). I have bad knees, and nerve damage in my foot. I have a second foot surgery looming over me with the promise of six weeks on crutches. With that in mind, I want to lose weight and get healthy. I have an appointment with my doctor to get a second opinion on my foot. Maybe I can get physical therapy or something, I don't know. I also have an appointment with a personal trainer who has experience with working around injuries. I also have a second, more fun goal. I want to help Pepper become a Therapy Dog.





For those not in the "know" therapy dogs go to hospitals, nursing homes, and the like, and help healing by making people happy. It is well documented that owning a dog improves one's health. Well not everybody can handle the responsibilities of owning a dog, especially those who could most benefit from the healing powers of these furry balls of love. That's where a therapy dog steps in. These specially trained pooches gain entrance where no dogs are allowed. They spread joy and healing through puppy kisses. Pepper is a total natural!


That being said, she still has a lot to learn. For one, she is WAY too enthusiastic. She still jumps on people. She's friendly about it, but she is 50+ pounds of energy. She also doesn't always like to meet other dogs. Since this is a requirement of the AKC Canine Good Citizen certification, it is a must. There's also a handful of other little things that she just needs touching up on. Or maybe I should say *I* need touching up on. I'm sure 95% of her "shortcomings" are actually my fault, and not hers at all.


Now for the plan! The first step to a better behaved dog is more exercise. As Pepper gets no exercise beyond running around the yard, this won't be hard to do. As long as my days are, I have time to take her for a 15 minute walk every night. Incidentally, this will also help with my first goal. This is also where Peggy comes in. Peggy is my awesome, funky, animal-loving friend. She has blue hair, literally. Need I say more?


Peggy is a huge fan of Cesar Milan (aka The Dog Whisperer). I am too for that matter. Anyway, she loves Pepper as much as I do. And she is ALL about getting her to be a therapy dog. So she, being crazy and awesome, has offered to help me train her. And walk with her. A lot. We bought a book. And we have lots of plans. We'll see how it goes!


Anywho, that ended up being ridiculously long! I guess I'll shut up for now :)