This has been a rough week. Sunday night my man overindulged a bit for father's day. Despite assuring me he would go to work Monday, he called in sick. And then my old boss came by and, without warning, blurted out that my coworker had passed away. Mr. UofM was one of my two biggest mentors and a good supervisor. He had been fighting colon cancer for over five years, so we kind of knew it was coming. For the longest time he continued to come to work 40 hours a week while he was getting treatment. He never complained, nor really ever brought it up. A couple years ago he was gone for a while, but he came back and continued working. He had to go on leave again a few months ago. On some level I guess we all knew he wasn't coming back this time, but one can't help but hope. While I am sad that he's gone, I'm glad he's no longer in pain. He was resting peacefully at home, surrounded by his family.
The memorial service for Mr. UofM was yesterday afternoon. It was hard. It was also long, and involved a lot of standing. I was glad I was able to see his sons who are my age and some other work folks I don't see very often. And in related news, Covergirl's new Exacteyelights waterproof mascara is fantastic.
Monday I went home as soon as I could after hearing the news. The rest of the week I've just floated feeling mostly numb with random bursts of tears and almost manic humor. My friends have been invaluable talking to me about random things and sending me funny pictures of cats. Pepper has been sticking to me like glue when I'm home. Letting me cry all over her and compulsively rub her ears. She also doesn't mind being squished in a full-body bear hug. What other dog would be ok with that?!
The saddest part of the funeral, for me, was when I realized how little I really knew Mr. UofM. I knew that he was incredibly smart, he went to UofM for pete's sake! I knew that he was kind, and supportive, cared about his underlings and their careers. He always had time for me whether I had a work question or a life question, or just needed somebody to listen. He was incredibly patient, even when I was being dense. But there was a whole other side to him I knew nothing about. Mr. UofM built wood boats, was the youth group leader at his church for years, and was an utterly devoted husband and father. Hearing the stories of his other friends and family made me wish I had had the time to learn more about him.
Between my old boss retiring and Mr. UofM's passing and all the lay-offs and budget cuts, I've been feeling like I was cut adrift. I haven't been able to focus and I really haven't done much productive for several weeks. I finally got fed up and told my structural lead that I want to move back to his office. I feel like my boss here doesn't really care about me or my career. I also think I have more technical experience than he does. He never offers any help or suggestions and rarely pays me any attention. Maybe I'm too needy, but I feel I need some direction and guidance in order to grow professionally. My lead thought this was a good idea. So, hopefully soon, I will be moving into another office. Whether it is permanent, temporary, or part time is yet to be seen. But I think any option will help. I need a change of scenery to help me refocus and get back on track.
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