Spirit Shivers

Maybe this will make a bit more sense with some background. My "religion" has taken a strange path. My mother was raised United Methodist, my father is an atheist Jew. I am Pagan. It is not really a religion so much as a spirituality. For sake of categorization, Paganism is a polytheistic "religion." Meaning the belief in many gods. I haven't always considered myself Pagan, although I probably always was I just didn't know it yet. I went to church and Sunday school with my mom, even singing in the youth choir, until I was 12. I had always felt a deep connection with the Earth. And what they taught in Sunday school never really made that much sense to me. So I did a little research and kind of floated for a while. I first touched upon Wicca, but found it was too structured. Over the years I have refined my beliefs and built a system around them that works for me. I feel I am a fairly spiritual person, I like to be in tune to my surroundings. I believe in spirits, past lives, and fairies. That being said, now to the point of my original topic.

This year there have been a lot of lay-offs at work. We are split into two groups: craft, and non manuals. A few months ago about 60 craft personnel were laid off. I knew it was happening but I didn't really think much of it. Until I was leaving for the day. My friend and I walked towards the gate to the parking lot. As we rounded a corner we both stopped dead in our tracks and grabbed each other's arm. In front of us was a large bin full of hard hats. I felt as though a shadow had passed over my spirit and it shivered. Maybe like walking past a grave yard. Obviously the previous owners of these hard hats were not dead, just unemployed. It was a very disconcerting feeling. A while later another round of lay-offs came and the same thing happened although this time it was two large bins. Once I got my bearings, I felt very sad. Like something dear to me had died. Maybe my spirit felt it was the beginning of the end.

A few weeks ago, when I got to work and pulled into the parking lot, something similar happened. This time last year, if you were a few minutes late, you'd be hard pressed to find space in any of the three parking lots. That morning, almost half of one parking lot was taken up by three cranes. They had been parked and situated such that it was evident they were not going to be used for a long while. Cranes are expensive. Even if the company owns them, they cost money every day even if they are not used. Now there are four Link-Belt cranes, three boom-lifts, two scissor lifts, and a Demag lined up neatly in the parking lot. My spirit shivers every time we drive past them.